A Patriot on Parades

Must be nice

Must be nice

28 years old.  0 Parades.

I’m jealous of sign kid.

It dawned on me, after telling everyone in Ontario who would listen to me about this unique tradition that has been born in Boston, that I’ve never actually been to a parade.

I’ve only been in the greater Boston area for two of the nine; so it has largely been a matter of circumstance. But I’ve never actually experienced the sweaty, salty, sweet, cold taste of victory.


How did I blow it those other two times?  Well for Patriots I, I wasn’t allowed to miss school.  For Patriots II, I got there a little late.  I saw the aftermath.  Not a good feeling.

But since those first two, I’ve been gone.  Boulder for the next three – Sox Parades I and II, and Pats Parade III – though during that stretch I was lucky enough to see the Sox win it at Coors Field in 2007 and hadn’t yet fully grasped what I was missing at home.

Four to go.  Man there have been a lot of parades.

VI.. Hmmm.. Celtics? OK I was in the Commonwealth.  But working and living on the Cape. Had an awesome time watching the win at the Woodshed in Brewster.  Didn’t feel bad about missing that one.

VII.. Bruins.  What a Cup. Was in the Tampa Bay area. Saw two great games in person that run, both losses in Tampa, however. Didn’t need a parade though, got a champagne shower. Good enough.

VIII.. Sox III. In Australia.  Got to see the Ortiz ALCS grand slam in person.  An unforgettable night.

But ya. No Boston Strong Parade for me.  That one hurt.

Incidentally, I experienced the 2013 Marathon from Montgomery, Alabama. Talk about a tough 72 hours to be away from the greatest city on the planet.

So ya, missed all that.

And then Pats IV.  I missed this parade too.  And man did this one look awesome.

Gronk humping everything that moves.  Drinking and spiking everything that’s handed to him.  Edelman stripping. Ending up with the wrong tinder girls. Taking other girls right from the parade back to his hotel.  Giving others champagne.

Just complete public debauchery with impunity.

Gronk was wearing a 69 jersey for Christ’s sake.

These guys have transcended humanity.  They are literally above the law.  And the whole city shuts down and plows for them.  So cool.

Anyway, I got to experience this one – the win and the parade – from Canada.  And now I’ve got Parade FOMO.

So circumstance be damned.  I will be at Parade X.

Let’s just hope the Karma gods can forgive us for this last one.  Especially the Lynch and Sherman posters.  Didn’t need that.  Things definitely got a little out of hand.

But what’s done is done.  Boston is officially still the most decorated and spoiled sports city in the entire world.  The Patriots just wanted to make sure everyone in the galaxy knew what they were missing.  Boston wins harder than anyone else on the planet.  It looks like a blast.

The Patriots just threw the parade to end all parades.

Let’s hope it doesn’t turn out to be just that.


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